Harper On Older Men

[kniteracy]

Harper on Older Men

Oh, hush. You know I don't mean it like that, exactly. Or if I do, I don't mean it exactly like that. Exactly.


Um, so how exactly do you mean it, Harper?

Well, it's like this. This is something I've noticed changing over the past few years, and just recently, it's come into full bloom as an opinion: I am really, really not interested in young men.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Of course you're not interested in young men, Harper; you're practically to granny age yourself; being interested in young men would make you a perv. Um, yeah. I mean, um, no. Years ago, years and years ago, I discovered that I no longer wanted to date men in their twenties: the testosterone-driven boy-drama was just too much. But I mean, I don't really even admire young men objectively anymore. Moreover, the ceiling for men I do admire objectively keeps getting higher.

Here's an example. A few weeks ago, filceolaire and I were out doing an errand for melismobile. We needed to take her harp by my luthier acquaintance MP's house so he could give it a good look and assess some repairs the instrument might need. MP has a nice comfy house in Charlton Village. MP is maybe 6'3", probably weighs well over 200 pounds, has shoulder-length white hair and a long but well-kept beard, and frankly I think he's really cute. He has properly crinkly twinkly eyes, a lovely singing voice, and a good, comfortable conversational style. When we were at his house, he told us he'd only really been singing for about eleven years. "He started," his wife said proudly, "when he was fifty-nine." My goodness. I have smiled engagingly at a seventy-year-old man and found him not at all unattractive. Amusingly enough, there were several jokes made at the last Folkmob gathering about his really being Santa Claus. Now, some of you out there might be saying, "Eww! Harper! What's wrong with you?" but I'm really not sure there is anything wrong with me.

I see all kinds of young men on the Tube, nearly every day. London is not exactly an isolated hamlet: there are attractive men everywhere here, and I do look at them. But honestly, cocky young guys posing for their friends or whatever attractive woman happens to walk by just don't interest me anymore. Yawn. Been there, done that, bored myself to tears, I don't want him, you can have him, he's too young for me! I find myself smirking on the down escalator at Baker Street every afternoon, watching twenty- and thirty-something men, alone or in packs, riding up the other side of the escalator, with their little chin thrusts and their little hand gestures and te cocky language and the just-loud-enough-to-overhear conversation. Yawn. I mean, yawn.

Can I look at film stars and find them attractive? Sure, but Little Danny Radcliffe doesn't really do it for me. OK, I'm with lots of folks in the "Rickman is Hot" camp, but he's at least in his mid-forties. Yum. Harrison Ford gets more attractive every year. Tom Cruise, who had his ageing genes disconnected when he met the aliens (I think he was 19 or something) is still too young for me at 42. Ew.

Now, before y'all go smug and analytical on me and start accusing me of having an unresolved Daddy fetish, I'll cop to it right now: I probably have an unresolved Daddy fetish. But I'm not talking about an attitude thing, or the need to be taken care of, or even kinky sex. I'm talking about pure aesthetics.

My husband is eleven years older than I am. He will turn 51 in just a few months. His greying hair is wonderful. His crinkly eyes are beautiful. The creases in his porcelain-fine, Irish skin are deep and perfect. His narrow shoulders, slender arms, and downright bony knees are adorable. Everything from the tired weight of his brow when he thinks I'm not looking to the over-the-top eyebrow waggle when he knows I am looking is a treat for the eye.

And who could not admire such a man? Young men, prancing about and drawing attention to themselves, are nowhere near as interesting to me as a mature man walking purposefully, a man who knows where he's going and is completely confident that he'll get there. The most attractive older men have grown out of the need to be right all the time, shelved their bravado for wisdom and temperance, and haven't got this insane desire to prove themselves, over and over again, to anybody who'll pay attention to them.

When I look back at my checkered relationship history, I find it funny that I fell for the bravado trick so many times. If a man talked a good game, I was inclined to believe him. I think that's because I had never seen a real man quietly prove himself through action, loyalty and ardour. When all you have are words, words are what you have, I suppose.

I can't even think of who the current male heartthrobs are today. It actually takes an IMDB search for me to remember Orlando Bloom's name. Ih. He was OK as an elf, I suppose, but, you know. Give me John Rhys-Davies. Give me Sean Bean. Heck, give me Christopher Lee. No, really. I suppose I've never been attracted to the stereotypical heartthrob-type body. I always sort of liked the Oliver Platts and Robbie Coltranes of the world, and I like them even more now they're greying and creasing.

So I think, some days, as I'm walking from Baker Street to the bus stop at the original Lord's Cricket Ground, looking at all these lovely greyhaired men in their long winter coats, taking their measured steps, with something more on their minds than whether or not they'll pull some Kent girl on Friday night-- I think, wow. Wouldn't the woman who gets to sit across from this one or that one at dinner, the woman who gets to cuddle with that fellow, wouldn't she be lucky. I like to think that everywhere my beloved goes, when he walks down the street, women who are like me look at him, and they think that same thing:

Isn't the woman who gets to wake up with that one-- isn't she lucky?

You bet I am.

Comments

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

I've never found younger men attractive, the only heart-throb I had from my teens onwards was Sean Connery, couldn't see why all my friends were swooning over the fresh-faced young popstars, and I much prefer a lot of these famous people as they get older, tho Harrison is getting a tad bit wrinkled these days, but then again I was never mad keen on him. Pierce Brosnan is aging nicley, I notice.

And Forest is of course 10 years older than me, and aren't bearded men sexy too? Aragorn in Lord of the Rings is very attractive cos he's bearded and looks older, btw.

So what about women, do they have to be young or old? We watched a dvd of Blondie videos the other night (I assume you know Blondie, late 70s singer/band?) She is very cute in her younger incarnation on the older videos, all pouty and pert but the recent video for the song Maria, when she's a grown woman, with curves and a husky voice? Hella lot more attractive to me, that's for sure :)

[telynor.livejournal.com]

When it comes to women, I suppose the only consistent things I could say would be that I have a weakness for redheads with brains. I also like women who are more decisive and assertive than I am, but that is very likely just the way I'm wired, period. And it may also be that there are very few people who are less decisive and assertive than I am, so maybe it's just a survival instinct. ;)

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

I've never found younger men attractive, the only heart-throb I had from my teens onwards was Sean Connery

Mine was Derek Jacobi. None of my friends got that at all. :-)

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

He's nice, especially the voice, though finding Cadfael sexy is worrying, I think... :)

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Oh, but he's a monk, not a priest. I wouldn't feel one bit guilty about that. :-)

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

Ah, one kind of celibate robed member of a religious organisation is different from the other then? ::giggle::

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Heck, yeah. Just don't tell Prior Robert.

[telynor.livejournal.com]

You two are having too much fun this afternoon! ;) (As an aside, I think he's cute, too.)

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Hehe. It's only 8:00 a.m. here, so imagine how much fun I can still have today!