Heavy Plant Music Of Lurve

Heavy Plant Music Of Lurve

So while you're out there, sitting in your computer chairs or on your couches with your fancy wi-fi laptops, having a snack or your first or eighth cup of tea (hey, it's Saturday!), and Life Is Good, remember that others are changing the world in their own special ways..

I tell you, while you arebeing complacent and swimming in your couch potato glory, my Giant Robot Man is inventing the new Language of Love.

Because he is so, so, so romantical! Just last week, we were having dinner together (takeaway lamb shish with extra garlic sauce and chips for me, yes!), and he'd already finished his chicken kebab and was feeling all happy to be alive.

"Put your head on my shoulder," he said. At this point, I should remind you that lamb shish is chewy.

I put my head on his shoulder. I was, I'm afraid, still chewing the lamb. See above: lamb shish is chewy.

"Aw, that's so sweet. You sound like a cement mixer," he said lovingly.

I sat up straight. I finished chewing. I looked at him in surprise and shock. "A cement mixer? What a thing to say to your beloved wife!"

"Have you ever," he said seriously, looking at me with those adorable, childlike blue eyes of his, "really listened to a cement mixer?"

You have got to be kidding me. "Um, no," I replied.

He searched for words. "It's nice," he said. "It's much nicer than a drill, for example."

"Nice than a drill."

"Yes. Much nicer than a drill."

"A drill. Is it nicer than a freezer's hum?"

"Oh, yes. It's much, much nicer than the rumble of a car, too."

"How about a bus?"

"Nicer."

"You mean to tell me that you like the noise a cement mixer makes."

"Yes. It's very nice."

"And how would you class a cement mixer? What kind of vehicle is that?"

"Heavy plant."

Is it any wonder that I don't look forward in delighted anticipation to the tiny velvet box that will be under the Christmas tree? No, no; I think the second anniversary is TONKA, isn't it?